sunshine and faith

Yesterday was a Great Sun Shinny day here, and I SO loved it!
Kate, Mike and Jacob came over, Jacob helped me do yard work, he got to hold his first worm, frog, cricket, lady bug, and snail. He had so much fun playing in the yard with aunt Moe. He helped me weed; well he cut the leaves of many irises, as I weeded. He got muddy, climbed in trees, and then we took a long walk where half way through the walk he looked up at me and said hold you aunt Moe, hold you aunt Moe. I asked him if he wanted me to pick him up, he shook his head and looked up at me with his big brown eyes and I cuddled him up in my arms for the rest of the walk. He is such a joy.
Today was a good day, full of running errands, Matt a hair cut, and laundry. We watched a fun British comedy called spaced.

Faith is a crazy thing.

I have not been to church since my mom got really sick, I was pissed at God at first, and then I think that I just did not want to face the face of Jesus staring back at me. Reminding me of all the things that I wanted in life and never went after, all of the things that I did and was never truly sorry for, all of the things that I wanted more then him. Maybe I am a chicken. I think Faith is more then just going to church. Although writing this reminds me of just how much I miss that part of church as well. I am very thankful for my Catholic upbringing. I may question quite a few of the teachings, but the basics of it all, they are true and pure and they are a guide to help you live your life as a good person. This is the place in mine and Matt’s relationship where we differ, I know that he believes in God, he just doesn’t have the same kind of Faith that I do. I actually never thought that I would marry someone that did not share my Faith, but I do believe that Matt and I did not meet by chance.
I watched a few people that I really loved, die of really shitty diseases, where there lives were just taken to early, that still truly beloved that God loved them, guided them, that in the end they would be safe in his arms. I don't know if you have ever had someone you love go through so much physical and emotional Hell and still have Faith like that, while I felt like I was being crushed by a ton of bricks or one huge elephant. All of the time I am cursing anything to do with God, faith or anything that makes any sense at all. They just pray and sing in their mind and know that when this world ends a better one will begin. I was humbled so many times by the shear Faith of these people. When their suffering was ended, that is where my faith was strengthened. That is when I knew above all things that one day I rejoin the people that I loved. It can't have all been for nothing, the pain, the tears and the sorrow.
I know that everyone thinks about it different ways. There are many ways to think about God. I have decided that everyone probably believes in the same God, just different names, and ways of worship. I guess that I am just a simple girl who has been through to much not to believe that there has to be a plan for us. That in the end there has to be something bigger then me or you.